Do’s and Don’ts for Managing Challenging Behaviours

Boy in blue sweater plays with toys. He smiles as he plays.

DO

1. Remain calm. Having a calm demeanor can demonstrate appropriate behaviours to your child and makes it easier for you to make good decisions.

2. Praise appropriate behaviours. Demonstrate that you are happy and proud of your child for engaging in appropriate/acceptable behaviours by giving praise. (High fives, hugs, kisses, time with favourite toy, etc)

3. Be direct with instructions. When instructing, the simpler and more specific you are, the easier it is for your child to understand.

4. Watch for risky behaviours. Be mindful of behaviours that may be of risk to your child, or to others in the area. Be especially watchful when your child is having difficulty following instructions, as they may have a heightened arousal level.

5. Be supportive and understanding. Consider how your actions will benefit the child.

6. Think: How does my child’s behaviour change the situation? How does the change benefit my child? Is there something they want? Is there something they are trying to avoid?

7. Take care of yourself! Managing challenging behaviours is hard work. Don’t be afraid to ask for help so that you can take time to yourself (i.e go for a walk, listen to music, read a book etc.) When you are more rested, and happier, you will be better equipped to help you child! Remember: You can’t pour from an empty cup!

DON’T

1. Avoid long explanations. If you are explaining something, try not to take longer than about 5-10s (after that, attention starts to wander, even in adults!)

2. Don’t personalize behaviours. Try not to take behaviours personally. Your child’s behaviour is not your fault. Most of the time, children act out in order to communicate a want/need, or to avoid things they don’t want.

3. Feel bad for feeling upset/frustrated. Remember, it is 100% O.K to be frustrated at times. Everyone has difficulty at times with their children. When feeling frustrated, remind yourself that the behaviour is not your fault, and take a deep breath before interacting with your child again.

4. Feel bad about asking for help/services. YOU are the reason service providers are here. You advocated and fought for your child. Feel proud about this. You are not weak; asking for help means you had, and always will have your child’s best interests in mind.